She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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