Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
