She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
