Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
then he tried to convert me to islam
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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