So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
