It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He better not be in your backpack
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
