just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
