i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
