My room smells like vodka and shame
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
