We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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