i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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