I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
