I don't usually arrange sex via text message
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
