listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
