You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
