i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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