I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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