That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
