she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
