you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
