You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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