Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
