"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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