No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
