do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
