drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
