It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
