oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
