considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
