maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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