the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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