my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
