just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
