i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Randomize
