no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you would pick up someone in the library
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
