pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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