please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
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i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
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I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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