I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
