you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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