covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
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I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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