I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i need some magic done to my vagina
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize