Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
