she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
