sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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