Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
