my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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