You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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