how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
