i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
