my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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