Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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