Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
