We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
