Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
