My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
