im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
