I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
