AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
