I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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