guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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