New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
