Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
