does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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