I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
