just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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