this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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