So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Boobs speak an international language.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
