God, you're like boner-b-gone
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
