I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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