Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
