Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
