My first STD was from a foam party
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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