M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
