I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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