am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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